Anguish

Have you ever loved someone...but that person flaunts the fact that they'll never love you to your face?

I know how that feels. There's a boy out there that loves another, like a regular love triangle even though he doesn't know that I am part of it. The one he's fallen in love with is loved by another as well, but the partner is oblivious to it also. So...a love cube, perhaps? Both partners are loved by another but the actual person is oblivious even though the other partner knows and keeps it from them so that they can stay together. Meanwhile, me and the other person who's left out are slowly dying inside as they profess their love to each other in front of us...'because you're friends we can trust'.

Cruel worlds we live in today.

Have you ever wondered if the world would be a better place without you? After hearing the love confessions of the only one I have quietly loved and supported I see that their lives are perfectly fine without me. My family lead themselves without me better than if I were actually there and I'm starting to think that perhaps it's true that I'm not needed in my community.
One day I hope to move to a far away country where I can start life afresh and find someplace I can settle down and be happy. Who knows, maybe I will achieve my dream of having a family of my own that loves me for who I am and actually have a reason to be proud of what I've done.

For now I have to be content with my lot and put on a face so that I don't depress Christmas for everyone. Nobody in my family knows that I get these depressive mood swings so I'll keep it to myself a little longer.